~ Self-Portrait ~

Why do I pretend to be
What I know that I am not?
Why do I let it consume me?
I know I would rather rot.

I cannot show the real me.
Not even if I tried.
No-one will see through the deception,
No matter how much I’ve cried.

Why do you pretend to understand?
Why even pretend to care?
You won’t ever find the truth.
This is my demon to bear.

I cannot show you the real me.
I’ll be waiting in my obscurity,
Forever escaping my lies.
Drowning from the impurity

So don't bother trying,
Because you'll never get to see.
What's hidden beneath so far beneath
In my darkness; the true and real me.


I know that my peoms suck.... but they are a form of release for me... so deal.

Blood Rage

Red, blood red
Splattered on the walls
Triumphantly I howl
And watch her as she falls

Blood on the furniture
I see through closed eyes
Dripping, pooling on the floor
Straightning out the lies

Raising now my eyelids
Staring round the room
No bloodstains on the floor
And so sets in the gloom

Imaginings just make it worse
Until all that i can see
Is a psycho with a blade
I'm looking now at me....

Have I added this poem before??? I dunno. I just found it on my phone, and I was gonna delete it, but thought I should post it. If I have already, SORRY! But here it is. And yes, I know they suck... but I'm proud of it so there!

Okay so I figured that I'd post another li'l old sucky poem. Sucks to be you reading this shite!

I can't remember when I wrote this, or even why... but here it is none-the-less...


Laughter

I can see everybody laughing,
At the stupidness of me.
Why is it that I can't stop?
Despite of what they can see.

I'm living on the edge of a knife.
Scrutinized about my acts.
Either way I go I'm condemned.
All is ignored, including the facts.

You said that you understood me
There I was thinking you as a friend.
BUt the you stood up and pointed.
Will this laughter ever come to an end?

I no longer hide in myself
Away from all of those probing eyes.
I really don't care what they say anymore,
Keep telling your damn lies.

So, once upon a time, I used to write poems. Sucky ones at that... but they are still hanging around... so I must like them on some level. And I wrote them mostly when I was in crappy emo moods. So anyway... I figured that I'd start to post them. See what people think. And just so I can say I put 'em out there!

Anyway, I wrote this at the start of last year sometime when was in a crap arse mood coz none of my friends seemed to care about me, and then I met Dan. Who actually listened to whatever the hell I had to say, and vice versa. But I now know that he is a dick-head who probably never cared what the hell I has to say. I haven't heard from him in over 8 months, and not for lack of trying. *shrugs* Just another prick to add to the list of males who piss me off!

Anyway (I say that a lot don't I), here's shitty poem number One!



Ever Lingering

The pain was always lingering
It wouldn't ever go away.
The memories caused me anguish
That I refused to put on display.

I hid the secrets deep within myself.
Filling it like a hole.
I doubt I'd ever let you know
The abyss of my darkened soul.

It was too deep to find the answers,
Too shallow to be a bottomless pit.
I didn't understand why you are searching
When the rest just didn't give a shit.

In the past I'd never been able to trust,
But then you seem different to the rest.
And even though I am yet to share the real me,
It will be you who puts me to that test.

In you I find I can confide,
Something I'd never done before.
And if you ever broke my fragile trust,
It would destroy me to the core.

And even though the pain still lingers,
It is slowly less of a burden.
You are there to help me now,
Shining your light through the darkened curtain.